Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Vacation, Pregnancy update and Aswered Prayer

 
 
 
 
 
Last week was a nice break as some of the family drove a little over an hour away and were able to stay at the Breckenridge Hyatt with our parents time share.
 
Sadly, Daniel couldn't come because he doesn't have any time off with his job for the first year. Sad:(
But since Ashton and I are virtually free almost...always...then we went without him.
 
 
 
 
It is so beautiful in the Rockies, I can't believe we don't go up there more often. And the weather was gorgeous as well. Just perfect temps.
 
The first two days we were there mom, Cat and I went on walk runs down by a river that runs through the town. So nice!
 
I was so proud of my 7 month preggo body being able to run (aka jog slowly) and of it. My cardio was fine, my calves hurt a bit, but the second day it just felt like he was jumping up and down on my bladder and I couldn't take that for very long. But one day we did around 2 miles and the other we did about 4? Anyways, just being outside is glorious!
 
 
We also hit up the pool the first two days and I actually got some sun, which just makes me feel a tiny bit prettier, and any little help I will take, ha ha.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
It was just a pretty relaxing time. The only downside was it was hard to sleep a couple nights because of bar crowds outside, uncomfort of last tri-mester body and Ashton sleeping in the same room as me. But overall, it was so nice.
 
I am noticing changes in myself. Where guilt would lead me in all areas of my thoughts and feelings, now I felt calm, peaceful, and OK.
 
Silly things that would normally just tear me apart, I was fine with.
 
\Most likely, like normal people.
 
 I have been reading a book my parents bought me a while back
{I forget if I have mentioned this in a post already, sorry}
but its called Boundaries.
 
It has really helped me in my mindset.
 
That I am only responsible for my feelings and actions and how I respond and how I think. By allowing myself to worry, worry, worry, about what everyone else might be thinking or feeling does not change anything, except give me anxiety. I think that is why I am experiencing more peace. Because I have given up trying to analyze what others think of me, who cares?
 
I always think of my sister when I reflect on this. She just lets people be who they are or who they need to be and doesn't let her affect who she is. She just is who she is, makes the choices she needs to for her life and family and other people can deal with their response to that. It is not her responsibility to carry our reactions....because she can't and neither can I. DUH!
What is the point of worrying myself into anxiety about something I can not change.
 
As far as pregnancy goes, things are going fine. Our insurance should be kicked in now so Daniel just has to get me the info and I can make another appointment. See what is going on with this little one.
I can tell he is getting bigger because I can now see him move from the outside. The little kicks are starting to transfer to larger movements. Sometimes it seems he never sleeps, maybe then he will sleep a lot when he comes out. ha ha. mmmhmmm
 
I feel big, my family tells me that I am smaller this time than last time, but I am not so sure they are just remembering me at my biggest and not at 7 months? I do have to say that as much as my acne is still present it is not as crazy as last time, we shall see as we enter the last stretch here. Also, I am trying to focus on water, and diuretic type foods i.e. watermelon, and walking some in order to keep my swelling in check. So far so good. My nose isn't quite as big....YET...and I am still able to wear my rings with no problem, so we shall see.
 
I have random outbursts of emotion, I think that is normal...see my last post about that. But in the past week things have been well, even, normal. I think being in the sunshine has been great for me, so this week I am trying to sit in the sun for breakfast on our balcony in the morning for a little vitamin D.
 
The other thing that I am noticing is that I am not so....
"this is the end of the world!!!"
About my body, about situations, well at least not all the time and mostly about my body.
 
I am getting excited about training again for another marathon or a half once I am done and maybe working on my body knowing that I am really done with kids. Having this knowledge and belief that this time is for a short period of my life, and that I will feel pretty once again in my life. I still have so much life left to live.
 
I have taken our needs to the Lord in regards to the things that we need for the baby. I am trying to be realistic about what we need and what I might think we need or want. I have been pretty specific and I am not worried, I know He will provide....
 
and this brings me to answered prayers.
 
I wrote about my stress about our finances last time and all that was going on there. I went to the Lord and told Him all I was scared of, and I think I wrote about all that last time too.
 
I talked to Him again on vacation and just that He would help my unbelief and help me to trust Him and believe that He can, will and even wants to provide our needs.
 
Well by the end of the week Daniel let me know that he will have an offer letter by the end of this week with his new position. Which means more money. We are not sure how much, but at the least it will be a 5% increase and we think it will be more just because the guy that they fired which he will be replacing told him how much he made. His regional manager told him that the manager was the general and she needed a captain, and Daniel would be the captain. Ha ha.
I need to remember to say Aye Aye Captain to him on a regular basis.
 
I am so grateful to the Lord for in a way, answering my cry so quickly. Its not like we have the money in our hot little hands yet, but we know the reprieve is coming. We know its not like we will be living in the lap of luxury, but hopefully will be able to now afford more of the things I was so stressed about...you know, like going out to dinner. pshhh!
 
Then on Sunday our pastor talked about John 15, one of my favorite passages, about remaining in the vine. And you know, I have really been trying to stay connected to Him. I am asking for more of Him and I am asking for more grace to obey Him quickly, be changed, etc. The only reason I know anything is changing is because of Him, and I know there is so much more that needs to be sanctified...obviously. But then there is the verses about if you are in the vine ask whatever you wish and it will be given to you.
 
I know these verses can sometimes be....scary....because what about the times He says no, or what about the times when it doesn't turn out the way we want it to. I know God prioritizes the inner work over the outer work for us in the new covenant and many times has some sort of thing He is speaking, teaching or changing in us by saying no...but it STILL SAYS IT. And the timing can not always be coincidental. And I just think, wow. I mean where we were last year compared to this year is way better. The fact that Daniel has a different job at all is so amazing and the opportunities are so great in this new company. On top of that this new position is pretty set in Denver as long as Daniel wants it, until he pursues more money in a different position, and this also means so much to me and having the baby.
 
I am so grateful to the Lord for all His provisions, even if its not huge, not that He is incapable of that, because I think we would love to be able to bless others or work more for the Kingdom if we had more resources. And then there is the concept of being faithful with what He is already given us right now.
 
So, now I am asking Him for a car. I know I am about to have a baby and I will be home bound much anyways. But I am starting to miss my life. My friends. Being involved. This is such a good thing too because it has taken me a while to say that.
 
Back when I first got pregnant (or three months in) and God told me to take 6 months with Him to work these things out I was so ready and willing to hide away. I just told Him the other day that I can't believe we already half way through that 6 months. So much has happened, so much has been revealed and learned. I can't imagine what else is up in the next three before the baby comes...or 2.5, I don't like to make it longer than it has to be...ha ha.
 
I have also been thinking about how I am preparing to show myself grace and love in all the ways I will need them once I have the baby. My time with the Lord, my body, working out, dealing with a need, no sleep, and loneliness. To let all of that have its time, to keep a positive outlook and to enjoy every baby snuggle and noise and cry, because this is my last time.
 
So there is my dear diary for the time being. A little all over the place, but my thoughts just the same.

2 comments:

  1. Ash, I love your honesty and your ability to be open, vulnerable and show what's on your heart. Thanks for letting God use you in this way. I know, from experience, how hard and painful it is when God starts moving in Big ways (why can't it ever be easy!?!?!)

    Thanks again, friend.

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  2. Just got caught up... Love reading all your thoughts. I feel like that too like I just want to enjoy the little things about this next baby because it might be my last. You seem so much more settled like calm and just grounded as I read these past few posts. Not that things are perfect or circumstances have changed drastically but just that God is anchoring your heart a bit more. Will keep praying for you. Love you friend!

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Thank you for your thoughtful comments!

 
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